This week almost broke me.
- I started a brand new 9-5 job that feels like I need a NASA badge just to log in.
- Took a college quiz (somehow got a 100... still wondering how that happened).
- Told myself I might study for a midterm that’s creeping up fast—but we’re in the denial stage of that grief cycle.
- Woke up at 6am like I’m actually that girl... but on the inside? I was already crying.
- I got my toddler dressed and out the door while negotiating like I was defusing a bomb. No pants? No problem. Let’s just survive.
- Worked a full shift while my daughter walked into my WFH office, (from her last half-day of 6th-grade) at 11:30am like, “Hey girl, just thought I’d come home during your busiest hour.”
- Cooked dinner. Bathed my feral child (who I’m convinced is part raccoon, part greased watermelon).
- Tried to remember youth/teen group drop-off.
- AND— because clearly, I’ve lost all sense — decided this was the week to REALLY try to finish building my website for my blog and start on my new business one… with absolutely zero prior training.
SIDe NOTE:
This new job I just started?
I know I'm not going to like it.
It’s not in my field.
It's really not what I pictured myself doing with my life.
I've prayed for years for a work-from-home job—and so, since I finally got offered this one, right now, my only thought is:“Well... at least it’s a job.”
Something to hold me over until I found whatever it is, I really want.
I'll keep you updated!So, this was the headspace I was in this week. Tired. Doubtful. Stretched thin.
Trying to juggle a dozen things while questioning if any of it really made sense.
Now, back to everything...
Somewhere in-between all of that... I think I prayed.
SCRATCH THAT! I know I prayed.
Also, maybe I just whisper-screamed “LORD HELP ME” ... just a little bit... into the fridge while clutching string cheese.
Either way, He heard me.
And here's the part where God did what only He can do:
He held it all.
The deadlines I missed.
The texts I forgot to answer.
The guilt I carried. The things I dropped.
Even when I felt like a tangled ball of anxiety, brain fog, and undone laundry — God never dropped me.
He didn’t grade me.
He didn’t shame me.
He didn’t ask me to hustle harder.
He whispered:
“You’re doing your best, baby. I’ve got the rest.”
And that’s grace.
So tonight, I’m crawling into bed exhausted, un-showered, with more tabs open in my brain than on my browser.
But I’m still His.
Still chosen.
Still seen.
Still loved.
Even when I feel like a walking panic attack wrapped in athletic shorts and leftover mac & cheese.
And if you’re there too—hanging by a thread, wondering if this mess can still be holy—
Let me say this:
Yes. It can.
Yes. It is.
You are not behind.
You are not disqualified.
You are not forgotten.
God is in the chaos.
In the undone.
In the crying-in-your-car moments.
And He’s not overwhelmed.
He’s with you.
Right here in the middle of your Holy Ground Moment.
#HolyGroundMoments #GraceOverGrind #StillChosenInTheChaos
[EDIT: THREE MONTHS LATER]...
7/20/2025:
Okay, so here's the wild twist God added to this story…
So, here’s the honest update:
Three months after I wrote this post, I made a really hard decision — I walked away from Court Reporting School
And here’s the thing that makes that decision even harder:
I PRAYED FOR IT!!
Not the walking away, but I initially prayed for it.
I begged God for direction, for a next step.
And when the opportunity came, not only did I get in —
I got in on a scholarship.
It felt like an answered prayer.
Like a “yes” from heaven I couldn’t ignore.
So, I said “okay, God — let’s go.”
But once I got there…
It didn’t fit.
It didn’t flow.
It drained me, discouraged me, and deep down, I knew: this wasn’t it.
And I’ll be real with you — I wrestled with that.
How could something I prayed for — something God opened the door to —
still feel so wrong?
Should I be upset?
Was I ungrateful?
Did I just waste a miracle?
But the more I sat with God, the more I realized something:
Answered prayers don’t always lead us to a finish line.
Sometimes they lead us to a lesson.
A redirection.
A revelation we couldn’t have found any other way.
Sometimes God lets us step into a door
So we can find out for ourselves
what doesn’t fit—
and what does.
And here’s the plot twist:
That job I thought I’d hate?
That job I only took as a placeholder?
I love it.
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not in my “field.”
But it’s peaceful.
It’s purpose filled.
It’s what I needed when I didn’t even know what to ask for.
I used to think “God is good” meant He’d only give me what I wanted.
Now I know:
God is good even when He gives me what I didn’t expect.
Even when He gives me something for just a season.
Even when He lets me learn the hard way.
So maybe this chapter wasn’t about becoming a court reporter.
Maybe it was about becoming surrendered enough to say,
“God, even this — I’ll trust You with it.”
And yes... I'm still working on my business website and working toward running my own business. I also believe I know what I want to do!
#HolyGroundMoments #GodRedirectsToo #GraceInTheMiddle
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